The Next Best Thing

5007608377Ok so, if you have dated a lot of great guys but can’t seem to find the one you want, it’s possible that you just haven’t met him yet. It’s also very possible that your belief that you will “know him when you see him” is right on the money.

However, what is most likely is that you are looking for something so plentiful but yet so elusive that you have long perpetuated your singledom, counterintuitive to your desire to find one person with whom to bond and mate.

There, I’ve said it.

Does it sound familiar?

In other words, are you looking for that evil grail I like to describe as “The Next Best Thing”? Continue Reading

Set In Your Ways or Just Stuck?

2636010943Neither is productive. If you’re set in your ways you’re framing life through the tiny little lens that is your minuscule time on this earth and not leaving room for basically everything else. Which is too vast to describe.

If you’re stuck there’s hope. However, it requires not being set in your ways. I know, it’s a dizzying catch-22.

It’s curious, though, how many things we choose to dig our heels in about. What’s even more curious is that many times we bear down even when we’re getting little or crappy results. Continue Reading

Group Dynamics: Do you soar or suck?

613445810For every situation we experience, our results are a mirror of what we project. In order to maintain an accepted and happy sense of self, it is in our best interest to always bring the top of what we’ve got wherever we go.

No, I’m not saying it’s your fault if someone crashes into you from behind at a stoplight or hip checks your latte all over your lap while riding the train.

What I’m saying is that when we enter a group of other people for work, school, church, volunteerism, or any other kind of common goal, emotionally, we experience what we present. Continue Reading

Five Ways To End Your B*tch Reputation

4680577497-1So this week I’m a little late with my post and to tell you the truth, I’m feeling a little bit blocked. But I had this brilliant idea. I want to get more of you post readers signed on to my newsletter.

Think it will be the same as my weekly articles? Well it isn’t, yet.

The newsletter is a secret foray into the real stuff that will help you find your Self-Esteem Zen, become more self-accepted and achieve any sort of transformation you will need to change your Love, your life, or your career. Here’s an example… Continue Reading

When A Great Guy Can’t Commit

5359511612-1So you met him. This awesome guy! He’s almost everything you want. Cute, sweet, loves to chat you up. Takes you out on fun dates and fixes things in your house.

He’s even appreciative of everything you do and treats you respectfully.
The sex is frequent and fun and delicious.

He’s responsible, employed, and good-hearted if not a little socially/politically misguided. But, his heart is in the right place. You could absolutely see yourself spending old age with him.

There’s only one little problem.

Even though he generally treats you like a girlfriend or wife with daily contact and high level attentiveness, he has no interest in making anything official.

Cue the sad tuba. Wahh wahhhht…. Continue Reading

Review: “Sex Tips For A Straight Woman From A Gay Man”

IMG_8647There are three things I absolutely Love about being a blogger. Free stuff, talking about free stuff, and anything to do with sex. That last one is not really blogger specific it’s just high on my list of favorite things in general.

Enter “Sex Tips For Straight Women From A Gay Man” a new off-Broadway show playing at The 777 Theatre on 8th Ave. It’s actually based on the book of the same name which I read, about six or seven years ago.

When my friend Katie emailed to give me tix, I immediately recalled the fact that it resonated so strongly in my psyche. I’ve read a lot of books for fun. This was one of those few that stuck with me.

Before seeing the show last night, I would have reasoned that my love for the book came from a blow job trick that I learned and still implement from it’s pages.

After seeing the show, I realize that the book’s message was actually much more prolific than your average flick of the tongue.

IMG_8652

Lucy was riveted.

In discussing the show afterwards, with my accompanying friend Marianne and her morkie Lucy (who loved the show btw), a lot was brought to light about the differences between the sexual mindset of men and women.

Initially, although the performances of the three main characters, Andrew Brewer (Stefan), Rachel Moulton (Robyn), and (Dan) Jason Michael Snow were playful and engaging, my inner feminist began to rail against the idea of sitting through another misogynistic demonstration of how men know how women “should” behave better than women. See: Ms. Jay on America’s Next Top ModelIMG_8642 or Steve Harvey ala “Act Like A Lady…”

However, after some funny, bawdy moments that pulled me through the fourth wall and some ‘simple genius’ uses of the set (Scenic Design: Luke Cantarella) I took an emotional seat and opened up to the experience.

What the stage play successfully relayed as a companion to the book and amidst all of the vaudeville-in-a-collegiate-setting-frolic, was that ultimately it’s about being comfortable enough with yourself to truly be intimate with a man.

By “truly intimate” I don’t mean getting naked and allowing things to happen to you or mastering fellatio like Jenna Jameson.

The take away is that we can learn all of the techniques, but there’s nothing sexier than knowing what you want, knowing you deserve it, and letting him know it too, in a loving and giving way.

In short, I came to realize that “Sex Tips For Straight Women From A Gay Man” is a how-to-be-more-confident, disguised as a sex instructional. “Be yourself” is good solid advice whether from a man or woman.

Basically, I had a lot of fun watching this show!!

Go see it single or not. The least of all benefits is that you will laugh. A lot! No spoilers, but sexy Andrew Brewer gives a nice little surprise at the end just for fun.

BUY TIX.

Happy Tuesday Ladies (and Guys who like to read Lady stuff)!

I Love you!!

- Candy SEZ

Want to support the me and the show? Like this review? “like” it, “tweet” it, “Google+” it and send it all around the web. You can “pin” the pics too. 

Get Out Of “Bad Mom” Prison

3687500095I’m not a Mom, so you’ll rarely hear me talk about child rearing and my humble parenting opinions. However, there is one thing I do know for sure. No one knows exactly how to do it, even those with many children.

Sure, there are lots of tips and tricks and books to read, but for the most part, everyone is making it up as they go along. They’re also grabbing on to all the information they can, feeling like they can’t get it right, and just praying that today won’t be the day that their kid(s) gets physically or emotionally destroyed through their own negligence.

Sound about right, parents? I’m guessing so.

So as a non-Mom, how am I so assured of the above? Because, like a majority of us, I have a Mom and now that I’m well into my adulthood I understand the nature of my relationship with her better than I ever have, but probably a lot less than I will in the future. Continue Reading

Single Guys! Don’t Let V-Day Ruin Your Swag!!

5359510898If we let it, Valentine’s Day can really suck out loud for single people, but not for the obvious reasons that you may be thinking.

If you’ve read any of my stuff before you know that sitting home depressed about being single, because a nationwide yearly marketing campaign is suggesting that you don’t measure up, is Self-Esteem Zen blasphemy.

What actually makes Valentine’s Day difficult is managing through the uncertainty of our romantic status’. There’s so much pressure to express our feelings.

Afterwards, we can only hope that by February 15th we haven’t done something to negatively affect the course of our current situation forever.

Simply put. Valentine’s Day can really f*ck things up if not handled correctly. Damn you Hallmark and the rest of the Valentine’s Day profiteers!

Actually, I don’t hate the players. I just get concerned about the game. Especially for the guys. Continue Reading

From Angry Hater to Happy Dater.

5415100068I have a great Dad. Growing up I always had a healthy mix of male and female friends. By the time I went to college I was voted the ‘sweetheart’ of a fraternity, had a long list of “go-to” guy friends, and no shortage of boyfriend potential.

In short, for most of my life, men have never been a problem. Until one broke my heart. He didn’t mean to. He was and is a good guy. At this point I’m pretty sure he’s a great husband and probably an even better father.

So I’m not nursing any hard feelings. However, after our decade long relationship ended in a smolder of disappointment, I was changed.

My perfect little ideal bubble of meeting and marrying my soulmate in my twenties and living happily ever after was burst wide and obliterated before I could say 3 karat heart-shaped white diamond in a platinum setting.

What? He was becoming a Doctor.

Anyhoo. The point of my story is that years ago I became bitter from that break up. So much so that I started an avalanche of romantic belligerence, leaving unsuspecting prospects in my unsatisfied wake. My hostility wasn’t just directed towards relationships either. Continue Reading

Money is the Root of All… Love?

6757867273It seems so simple right? “I have debt, expenses, and can’t get ahead… I need more money.”

Ok logically, if I’m thirsty and I drink water I will no longer be thirsty. The more water I drink the less thirsty I’ll be. However, if I’m going to keep walking around and being alive I’m going to keep needing more water.

Thankfully,  I’m blessed enough to live in a land where H2O flows freely from a tap inside my house, I don’t have to strategically manage how  to maintain my supply.

Money, or some form of exchange is a necessity just like water. Whether I give you two chickens for a cow. 500 rice grains for a soup spoon, or $20.00 for a plate of sashimi… Continue Reading