Love Poachers

The poaching has got to stop! No, this is not a public service announcement about the recent extinction of The Black Rhino. However, if we were willing to stop the kind of poaching I’m talking about, animal extinction could possibly be eradicated. It’s a leap but stay with me.

In order to commit as heinous an act as stealing an innocent animal’s body part and leaving it to die a gruesome death, a human being has to have switched off compassion.

They have to make the decision that whatever they need is much more important than the life they are destroying. Oddly enough, that’s exactly what we do when we operate under the following myth.

“Love hurts.”

After having had my heart broken, having broken hearts, and working with countless people who are in pain around “Love” how in the world can I sit here straight-faced and go against convention? Continue Reading

I Want To Be Courted… Full Stop

orchidsA very wise and accomplished single friend of mine recently told me about a fantastic guy she met. If you’ve ever dated in your forties, you know how rare it is to meet people that impress you. Perhaps it’s because we’ve been around for a while, maybe it’s because we’re jaded by disappointment, divorce, past pain. Whatever.

Fact is, when the rare moment that someone comes along and permeates our force field happens, that person stands out. So as she’s telling me about the meeting, the attraction, the flirtatious moments and I’m feeling elated for her wide-eyed enthusiasm (another rarity after age 40) she mentions something she said to him, which I found very brave.

The object of her interest was charming, confident and emotionally mature enough to directly express his attraction to her. To which she boldly responded… “I want to be courted.” Full stop. Continue Reading

Putting the “lame” in “Blame”.

Relationship problems, money problems, weight problems, job problems, whose fault is it any way? The need for absolution can be crippling.

Surely Mom and Dad might have done some damage, along with feeding, clothing and the ‘getting you to adulthood alive’ part. Perhaps that teacher who said you would never amount to anything did it. Possibly it’s just the fact that you had no guidance at all? Damn that nobody who wasn’t there!

But wait, what if you’re not even harboring leftover teen angst? Maybe it’s your ogre of a boss or that be-otch who got your promotion. Oh wait, it’s the dick who cut you off in traffic, it’s Global Warming, it’s Isis, it’s Ebola, it’s racial or sexual inequality!!!

WHEN WILL YOU EVER GET A BREAK FROM ALL OF THIS EXTERNAL AGITATION? Continue Reading

Were You Expecting Something Really Good?

One of my favorite truths is “Doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result is the definition of insanity.” – Albert Einstein

I’d like to take it a step further though. Physically we may not always “do” or even say the same thing, but when we “think” the same thing, all of our actions are motivated by that thought.

If I believe that the rocks in the park are filled with gold I might do a lot of different things to try breaking them open. The crazy part is my insistence, my actions are just a bi-product. Continue Reading

Are You Hoarding In Your Head?

 

Recently, I cleaned out my linen closet. I know “big yawn, barely worth a status update.”

However, it was a clearing that has changed my life. While cleaning it out, I found enough expired beauty products to create a 90’s drugstore movie set complete with hot curlers.

The disposal of all the above made lots of fresh space. I’m thinking for air flow or, if necessary, fresh new stuff that hasn’t coagulated in the flip top lids or separated into a product parfait of oil and emollients. What the hell are emollients anyway?

I was also able to assess how many towels and sheets I actually have. Trust me, if you’re blessed to have a number of linens, towels, bras, panties, or scarves at any given time they can’t all be good. I think it’s Murphy’s law of usage. Humans make stains and holes, but we don’t have to keep them around.

Then, and I promise this is gonna to get more interesting, I went through and folded all of my reusable bags and was able to store them in 1/4 of the space they were previously taking up.

Ok, before you click away with boredom and go back to your newsfeed full of “hot” topics, bear with me. Continue Reading

Tell me what you want, what you really really want.

I know I’m dating myself with that Spice Girls reference, but if I wasn’t old and cognizant of the hidden wisdom of 90’s pop lyrics what use would I be?

Lately, I’ve been approached a lot by friends and acquaintances alike, all asking me for love advice. Which always gives me a moment of pause because I used to be that girl.

However, in the darkness of my single-but-datingdom, I used to discuss my love life with anyone who was willing to listen, hoping that someone might have some problem-solving pearl to impart.

Of course everyone has an opinion, rarely do any two agree.

It wasn’t until I began training as a coach, and really became steeped in my own spiritual transformation, that I learned the single magic answer to every question about Love and relationships.

Want to hear it? Here it goes. Continue Reading

What If You Never Have A Baby?

I was recently told that since I’m in a relationship and careening further into the egg deficient stage of my life I “should hurry up and get pregnant.”

Interestingly, I’ve heard some form of this advice from a number of people with no discernible traits in common. Women and men, parents, non-parents… a variety of people seem to think biological procreation is like travel, something everyone really should do, if they can.

The fact is, I can’t really say that I want to physically reproduce. On the other hand, I can’t really say that I don’t want to either.

It has always been my belief that, overpopulation aside, the IDEAL reason to get pregnant would be an overflow of Love. Meaning, when two people realize they have so much Love for each other that it’s spilling over. In essence, they need to make some more people to absorb the output.

I’ve got the abundant Love. Do I have the time? Continue Reading

The One Thing We Forget

After years of living in NYC and learning to be a tough, independent single woman, I almost forgot the one thing that not only connects me to humanity, but is my only possibility for having a fulfilling partnership with another human being.

Why do we do it? Why do we hustle for years to try to be at the top of our career game? Why do we put work above all else to achieve, at best, tenuous financial security and, at worst, the approval of other people?

Don’t misunderstand, I’m all for sisters doing-it-for-themselves when it comes to wealth, success, entrepreneurship, etc. but what about when that’s all there is?

You know the story. Perhaps, like I was, you are the story. Creeping up on 40, no love at home with less than four legs. Working long hours and developing a piecemealed social life of co-workers who probably wouldn’t say “Hello” if you were a stranger on the street. Most of all, you’re sprinting the rat race trying to maintain the appearance of togetherness, while deep in the recesses of your heart, you feel winded. Continue Reading

The Real Happiest Place on Earth

4940112194Have you ever been to an amusement park? They’re all the same, or all different, depending on how much of an aficionado you may be. Clearly by this post title, I’m about to use Disney World as an example.

If you’ve never had the chance to go, you may not know that when you arrive by car you’ll see a big sign that says…

“Walt Disney World ‘Where Dreams Come True”.

Not only does it sound lovely to read aloud, you can almost hear the magical tinkle of delicate chimes marking the time to start having fun (assuming your idea of fun is kitschy faux atmosphere and fatty foods). No judgements here. Continue Reading

How to Find A New Normal and other Lessons From My Dog

IMG_1174It’s been two days since I released my attachment to my little dog’s Earthly form and made peace with her soul’s transition. While I can intellectually understand how all the pieces of my grief fit together, my heart is still puzzled.

For the last two mornings, I’ve gotten up ready to wash and refill food and water bowls, pick up a wee-wee pad and give her a “Good Morning” scratch behind her ears. Only to repeat the moment of painstaking realization, I’m not required to do those things anymore.

Each time I process the reason why I have less responsibility, the tears begin to flow. My grief is summoned back to the surface.

Why this involuntary self-torture? Why do we find ourselves experiencing the pain of loss in waves? Why, when we cognitively understand our losses, are we held hostage by our usual patterns? Continue Reading