We love power don’t we? It’s absolutely intoxicating just to know that we can influence others into our way of thinking or that our thoughts and leadership may inspire greatness. Mostly, it’s rewarding when we talk and people listen.
We worked hard to get here, right. We deserve to feel like influential typhoons. (Tycoons too.)
So then why is it that we feel so powerless in some areas of our lives; perhaps family, friendships, parenting, but most of all, love? (Btw, problems = feeling powerless.)
In true ‘Candice Love Coach’ fashion, I have a theory.
It’s the happiest of days! Simply because that’s what I’m choosing for myself today. Nothing special. Although I did book a new client yesterday and that’s always fab. Welcome to the fold, you know who you are.
I like to shout out clients and events where I get to commune with you, my peeps. However, I’m also starting to understand this need for anonymity, some of you may have, when it comes to diving in and transforming your love life.
I get it. Our love lives are a very precious and private thing on many levels. On top of our instinct to self-protect it’s like there’s some unwritten rule that we’re all supposed to automatically know how to pair up and have a ‘happily ever after’. So, when we “fail” or ask for help around romance, a lot of shame and self-deprecation can ensue.
Much like parenting, creating, and growing up, in general, our natural human tendency to want love can come up against a million outside forces. If we let them, they can make fruitful mating a very difficult negotiation.
So I say all of this to say… Continue Reading
The book of life. A mystical VIP list from biblical days, the way some people refer to the Bible, and a cute little animated movie.
Also a metaphor for how life unfolds. In other words, it’s the story we write as the days unravel. Some of us are manifestation geeks (me) so we write out the climax, with the intention of attracting it’s realizations.
Others of us just be and see what direction the story may go, a kind of meandering. Then there are those of us who micro manage every paragraph out of fear that the story might control them, rather than them controlling their story. (Btw, you are always in control of your own story just not anyone else’s.)
Whatever your approach to your life’s tome, it’s important to note that it’s not just a ‘playing out’ of your existence. Everyone you encounter is a character in your plot.
Which is why being mindful of your story is also a way to recognize whether you are vetting at a high deserve level. >screeeeech<
I know that was a weird segue, but bear with me. Continue Reading
Gurl! I know you got some super powers! You can probably balance coffee, your tablet, and handbag all while applying a full beat and riding the 6 train to work memorizing a presentation.
You can probably spend all day at said job then switch to your six inch spikes for a networking cocktail then off to a dinner with friends all while on your period (sorry guys, I know you have your hardships too).
You’ve probably also met with a ton of life’s challenges and overcame them whether you give yourself credit for it or not. Who knows what else you can do. I have no doubt you’re quite talented.
So, wanna develop a new superpower? Assuming you don’t have it already.
I’m going to drop you some nuggets that are going to make you… Continue Reading
It is often said that men like a challenge. In order to “reel, catch and keep” him, many dating gurus will tell you to wait before having sex, don’t be too available, don’t be too needy, act like a “cool girl”, pretend you’re not interested, play “hard to get”, blah blah blah.
You can do all of the things above but what then? What about when you snag him? You’ll either have to play games for the rest of your relationship, or at some point cart out the real you and see what ensues.
Not to mention, we attract our mirrors. So you’ll both likely be in for a lot of f*ckery then a revealing disappointment that you’re dealing with the same dishonesty you may be dishing out. So do you want a Scooby Doo episode or a relationship?
Or worse, cue the 7 year itch, the 2 year slump, the 35 year divorce, or any other time-laden euphemisms for “We figured out we don’t really Love each other after all.”
To put it much more simply, it may generally be true that men love to be challenged but frankly we all do to some extent. Unfortunately, the dating industry interpretation of “challenging” usually culminates in appearing “hard to get” by being manipulative. Which for most of us is not as much challenging as it is counterproductive to creating authentic connection.
How do I know this? Trial, error, and tons of research. Continue Reading
I was one of those precocious children that was either really entertaining or colossally annoying, depending on an adult’s patience level or perspective. At least that’s what I think based on the subjective recollections of the village who raised me.
I’ve also heard that I was wild, willful, excruciatingly honest, a ham, “bad”, sassy, a tattletale, etc. I’ve consistently made adult decisions with the assumption that all were true. Sometimes my choices worked out, sometimes not so much.
I have a friend who was tagged “the funny one”, the class clown, the one whose job it is to make everyone laugh. Sounds fantastic, right? Unless of course she ever gets tired of meeting the responsibility. We all need to cry sometimes. Continue Reading
The poaching has got to stop! No, this is not a public service announcement about the recent extinction of The Black Rhino. However, if we were willing to stop the kind of poaching I’m talking about, animal extinction could possibly be eradicated. It’s a leap but stay with me.
In order to commit as heinous an act as stealing an innocent animal’s body part and leaving it to die a gruesome death, a human being has to have switched off compassion.
They have to make the decision that whatever they need is much more important than the life they are destroying. Oddly enough, that’s exactly what we do when we operate under the following myth.
After having had my heart broken, having broken hearts, and working with countless people who are in pain around “Love” how in the world can I sit here straight-faced and go against convention? Continue Reading
A very wise and accomplished single friend of mine recently told me about a fantastic guy she met. If you’ve ever dated in your forties, you know how rare it is to meet people that impress you. Perhaps it’s because we’ve been around for a while, maybe it’s because we’re jaded by disappointment, divorce, past pain. Whatever.
Fact is, when the rare moment that someone comes along and permeates our force field happens, that person stands out. So as she’s telling me about the meeting, the attraction, the flirtatious moments and I’m feeling elated for her wide-eyed enthusiasm (another rarity after age 40) she mentions something she said to him, which I found very brave.
The object of her interest was charming, confident and emotionally mature enough to directly express his attraction to her. To which she boldly responded… “I want to be courted.” Full stop. Continue Reading
Relationship problems, money problems, weight problems, job problems, whose fault is it any way? The need for absolution can be crippling.
Surely Mom and Dad might have done some damage, along with feeding, clothing and the ‘getting you to adulthood alive’ part. Perhaps that teacher who said you would never amount to anything did it. Possibly it’s just the fact that you had no guidance at all? Damn that nobody who wasn’t there!
But wait, what if you’re not even harboring leftover teen angst? Maybe it’s your ogre of a boss or that be-otch who got your promotion. Oh wait, it’s the dick who cut you off in traffic, it’s Global Warming, it’s Isis, it’s Ebola, it’s racial or sexual inequality!!!
WHEN WILL YOU EVER GET A BREAK FROM ALL OF THIS EXTERNAL AGITATION? Continue Reading
One of my favorite truths is “Doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result is the definition of insanity.” – Albert Einstein
I’d like to take it a step further though. Physically we may not always “do” or even say the same thing, but when we “think” the same thing, all of our actions are motivated by that thought.
If I believe that the rocks in the park are filled with gold I might do a lot of different things to try breaking them open. The crazy part is my insistence, my actions are just a bi-product. Continue Reading