I know I’m dating myself with that Spice Girls reference, but if I wasn’t old and cognizant of the hidden wisdom of 90′s pop lyrics what use would I be?
Lately, I’ve been approached a lot by friends and acquaintances alike, all asking me for love advice. Which always gives me a moment of pause because I used to be that girl.
However, in the darkness of my single-but-datingdom, I used to discuss my love life with anyone who was willing to listen, hoping that someone might have some problem-solving pearl to impart.
Of course everyone has an opinion, rarely do any two agree.
It wasn’t until I began training as a coach, and really became steeped in my own spiritual transformation, that I learned the single magic answer to every question about Love and relationships.
Want to hear it? Here it goes. Continue Reading
I was recently told that since I’m in a relationship and careening further into the egg deficient stage of my life I “should hurry up and get pregnant.”
Interestingly, I’ve heard some form of this advice from a number of people with no discernible traits in common. Women and men, parents, non-parents… a variety of people seem to think biological procreation is like travel, something everyone really should do, if they can.
The fact is, I can’t really say that I want to physically reproduce. On the other hand, I can’t really say that I don’t want to either.
It has always been my belief that, overpopulation aside, the IDEAL reason to get pregnant would be an overflow of Love. Meaning, when two people realize they have so much Love for each other that it’s spilling over. In essence, they need to make some more people to absorb the output.
I’ve got the abundant Love. Do I have the time? Continue Reading
After years of living in NYC and learning to be a tough, independent single woman, I almost forgot the one thing that not only connects me to humanity, but is my only possibility for having a fulfilling partnership with another human being.
Why do we do it? Why do we hustle for years to try to be at the top of our career game? Why do we put work above all else to achieve, at best, tenuous financial security and, at worst, the approval of other people?
Don’t misunderstand, I’m all for sisters doing-it-for-themselves when it comes to wealth, success, entrepreneurship, etc. but what about when that’s all there is?
You know the story. Perhaps, like I was, you are the story. Creeping up on 40, no love at home with less than four legs. Working long hours and developing a piecemealed social life of co-workers who probably wouldn’t say “Hello” if you were a stranger on the street. Most of all, you’re sprinting the rat race trying to maintain the appearance of togetherness, while deep in the recesses of your heart, you feel winded. Continue Reading
Have you ever been to an amusement park? They’re all the same, or all different, depending on how much of an aficionado you may be. Clearly by this post title, I’m about to use Disney World as an example.
If you’ve never had the chance to go, you may not know that when you arrive by car you’ll see a big sign that says…
“Walt Disney World ‘Where Dreams Come True”.
Not only does it sound lovely to read aloud, you can almost hear the magical tinkle of delicate chimes marking the time to start having fun (assuming your idea of fun is kitschy faux atmosphere and fatty foods). No judgements here. Continue Reading
It’s been two days since I released my attachment to my little dog’s Earthly form and made peace with her soul’s transition. While I can intellectually understand how all the pieces of my grief fit together, my heart is still puzzled.
For the last two mornings, I’ve gotten up ready to wash and refill food and water bowls, pick up a wee-wee pad and give her a “Good Morning” scratch behind her ears. Only to repeat the moment of painstaking realization, I’m not required to do those things anymore.
Each time I process the reason why I have less responsibility, the tears begin to flow. My grief is summoned back to the surface.
Why this involuntary self-torture? Why do we find ourselves experiencing the pain of loss in waves? Why, when we cognitively understand our losses, are we held hostage by our usual patterns? Continue Reading
If we can agree that we are all capable of Love as human beings, then great. We’ve already started off on the right foot.
If we can also agree that we all need Love, we’re doing even better. That means we’re collectively tapping into our understanding of compassion.
If we can finally agree that it is possible to Love everyone, all the time, without conditions, we are 3 for 3. Let’s knock off early and go spread the good news at Happy Hour!
Wha..? You don’t agree with that last one?
Let me guess, somebody really trashed your life in a big way and the idea of Loving them sounds about as appealing as lemon juice-soaked sandpaper on your eyeballs. Continue Reading
Today I filmed another episode of The Bill Cunningham Show as the guest relationship expert. I especially Love doing the show because, as you all know, I Love dropping wisdom bombs on people and hoping that it lights a fire in their mind and heart.
I’m not naive enough to think that a snap of the neck and a five second “break-it-all-down” is enough to completely transform the lives of people who’ve come to air their misguided grievances.
However, there is that little part of me that hopes that someone at home watching will feel enough of an internal flicker to want to try a new way, especially when they realize their old way is dousing their flame.
The topic of today. Trust in relationships. Continue Reading
Girl, you’re not getting any younger. Stop sitting around just wishin’, hopin’, and prayin’. Do you even have any idea what it is you want?
Yes I’m talking to you.
Well actually, the other day I was on the phone with a friend I’ve known for twenty years so I might really be talking to her.
It’s one of those friendships where you care what happens to each other but you don’t really need to be in touch more than a couple times a year, just to stay updated. As much as we have a lot in common, we’ve paved very different paths and frankly wouldn’t have too much to discuss if calls were more frequent.
When I talked to her yesterday she quickly brought up the fact that she was single. “Still.” (Her word, not mine.) Which made it very clear to me that she’s not happy about it. Then she began to vent about the “crappy choices out there”.
So I have this habit, and my friends can attest, when someone I care about vents their dissatisfaction to me I hear them out. However, after I’ve heard them, it becomes truth time… Continue Reading
It’s the social media age! Anyone can find and “friend” you; your high school bully, that annoying coworker who used to make that weird sinus noise from her echoing cubicle, a one night hook-up that ended shamefully, etc.
Fact is, it’s getting harder and harder to harbor old embarrassments and resentments in peace. Thankfully.
My personal grudge tally used to be so long that I no longer kept track, just made sure to be mistrustful in case I came across someone who may have wronged me.
The problem with having a shit list? The bigger it gets the more you’re really only shitting on yourself. Continue Reading
Ok, before you breathe hard with exasperation and think this is going to be another ‘assuming you’re fat, here’s how to be unfat’ pitch stay tuned.
I’m actually talking about emotional weight.
For those of you looking to slim down don’t you go anywhere either. We’re about to make some startling connections between what’s hanging on to your insides and what’s hanging on to your outsides. Plus I’ll tell you how I lost twenty lbs in the last few months.
Frankly, emotional weight can be gained and lost by anyone, including the physically skinny. However, not unlike excess thigh fat, it’s a collection of unnecessary matter which only serves to slow us down. Continue Reading